Author Topic: Garage humor (?)  (Read 62328 times)

Cees Klumper

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Garage humor (?)
« on: April 21, 2013, 05:59:26 »
A recent post from Stick (Colin) referred to 'garage humour'.

As someone who has very little to none (I am an accountant, need I say more) I'm always looking for some humour. Got some garage humour to share here?

Old Dutch saying: "sorrow shared is sorrow halved; laughter shared is laughter doubled".
Cees Klumper
1969 Mercedes 280 SL automatic
1968 Ford Mustang 302 V8
1961 Alfa Romeo Giulietta Sprint Coupe 1600
1962 FIAT 1500S OSCA convertible
1972 Lancia Fulvia Coupe 1.3
1983 Porsche 944 2.5
1990 Ford Bronco II

Rodolfo

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2013, 15:25:38 »
A garage owner dies and comes at heavens gate and meets Saint Peter. Sainter Peter says: "congratulations, you died at 289 years". The mecanic answers: " why you think that?". Saint Peter answers: " I counted all the hours of your bills you charged and came to that conclusion."

Bonnyboy

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2013, 16:31:59 »
Advice Column by Mechanic John

Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work top down in my 280sl because it was the first sunny day in way too long, leaving my husband in the house watching TV.  My car sputtered,  and then it stopped all together about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with my neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 21. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they have been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling, and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need your advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila



Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults.  Considering my experience with the Mercedes Pagoda, I would start by checking that there is no debris plugging the fuel intake in the gas tank or debris in the fuel line.  If they are clear, check the filter in the inlet to the fuel pump and then the pressure valve in the fuel injection pump to make sure that there is a strong flow of fuel in and out of the injection pump.   It could also be that the fuel pump itself is faulty.

I hope this helps, John
Ian
69 280SL
65 F-100
73 CB750K
75 MGB
78 FLH
82 CB750SC
94 FLHTCU
08 NPS50

jameshoward

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2013, 16:44:16 »
http://www.kmstools.com/pages/competitor-79

If this doesn't put a smile on your face, Cees, nothing will.
James Howard
1966 LHD 230SL

stickandrudderman

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2013, 19:02:38 »
A customer bought his pagoda in for an inspection and I found loads of rust.
"How much is it going to cost?" he said?
Oh how I laughed............

IXLR8

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2013, 20:45:49 »


the other Joe

IXLR8

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2013, 21:17:09 »

Cees Klumper

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2013, 21:54:45 »
These are all funny indeed ... Keep-em coming please!
Cees Klumper
1969 Mercedes 280 SL automatic
1968 Ford Mustang 302 V8
1961 Alfa Romeo Giulietta Sprint Coupe 1600
1962 FIAT 1500S OSCA convertible
1972 Lancia Fulvia Coupe 1.3
1983 Porsche 944 2.5
1990 Ford Bronco II

66andBlue

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2013, 23:09:01 »
Cees,
since you are a numbers man here are two for you.
Alfred
1964 230SL manual 4-speed 568H signal red
1966 230SL automatic 334G light blue (sold)
1968 280SL automatic (now 904G midnight blue)

bogeyman

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2013, 00:40:34 »
Well, I guess this is related - sort of...

A crazy man escapes from an asylum and is being chased by the police. He runs into a Laundromat where 2 women are doing their laundry. He rapes both of them and runs out the door.

The next day the headlines read, Nut screws washers and bolts.
Rick Bogart
1970 280SL Black(040)/Parchment
1969 280SL Silver(180)/Green
1993 500E
1972 350SL
1995 E320 Cabrio

280SE Guy

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2013, 11:08:12 »
Published auto repair price list:




Regards,

280SE Guy


1971 280SE, 6 Cyl MFI, Anthracite Grey with Grey MB Tex

mdsalemi

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2013, 11:34:09 »
Sign in shop:

Labor Rates:

$85 per hour.
$95 per hour if you watch.
$125 per hour if you help.

A garage owner dies and comes at heavens gate and meets Saint Peter. St. Peter show him his room, it is better than any other room in heaven.  "Why?" asks the garage owner.  "Well," says St. Peter, we don't often get garage owners here in heaven..."
Michael Salemi
Davidson, North Carolina (Charlotte Area) USA
1969 280SL (USA-Spec)
Signal Red 568G w/Black Leather (Restored)
2023 Ford Maverick Lariat Hybrid "Area 51"
2022 Ford Escape Hybrid
2023 Ford Escape Hybrid

JamesL

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2013, 13:32:28 »
Not garage but...

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first, because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do
before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to
slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically
nothing.
All men got to shave but, .. it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie
and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the
two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you
until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't
walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks
to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.
A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city
guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is
like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.
They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the
Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and
hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break
real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about
the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm
only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,

Mary
James L
Oct69 RHD 280 in DB906 with cognac leather

jameshoward

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2013, 13:36:33 »
Very good.
James Howard
1966 LHD 230SL

JamesL

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2013, 13:36:47 »
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in Insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap…it's £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

So the man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops."
James L
Oct69 RHD 280 in DB906 with cognac leather

Benz Dr.

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2013, 17:38:56 »
so..... ahhhhhh............Cees? Have you heard about those new Dutch tires?
1966 230SL 5 speed, LSD, header pipes, 300SE distributor, ported, polished and balanced, AKA  ''The Red Rocket ''
Dan Caron's SL Barn

1970  3.5 Coupe
1961  190SL
1985   300CD  Turbo Coupe
1981  300SD
2013  GMC  Sierra
1965  230SL
1967 250SL
1970 280SL
1988 560SEC

KevinC

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2013, 22:09:47 »
Limerick Time...

A toast to our friend McNeely,
Who had a small Austin-Healy.
When he took out his Girl,
A kind of plump one named Pearl,
Her weight made him do a Wheelie.
 

71Beige280SL

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #17 on: April 24, 2013, 12:22:45 »
A woman answered the knock at her door and found a destitute man. 
He wanted to earn money by doing odd jobs, so she asked, "Can you
paint?"
  "Yes," he said, "I'm a pretty good painter."
  "Well, there's a gallon of green paint and a brush out back, and
a porch that needs repainting.  Be very careful.  When you're done,
I'll look it over and pay you what it's worth."
  It wasn't more than an hour before he knocked again. "All finished!",
he reported with a smile.
  "Did you do a good job?" she asked.
  "Yes, but lady, there's one thing I'd like to point out to you," he
said, "That's not a Porsche back there -- it's a Mercedes!"
- 1971 280SL Beige/Cognac Leather
- 2024 Mercedes GLE 350
- 2023 AMG C43 Cabriolet

Cees Klumper

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2013, 18:28:59 »
so..... ahhhhhh............Cees? Have you heard about those new Dutch tires?

Ok I'll bite ... No Dan, have not heard about those yet, can you fill me in please?

(Waiting for punchline)
Cees Klumper
1969 Mercedes 280 SL automatic
1968 Ford Mustang 302 V8
1961 Alfa Romeo Giulietta Sprint Coupe 1600
1962 FIAT 1500S OSCA convertible
1972 Lancia Fulvia Coupe 1.3
1983 Porsche 944 2.5
1990 Ford Bronco II

Benz Dr.

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #19 on: April 25, 2013, 01:20:11 »
Ok I'll bite ... No Dan, have not heard about those yet, can you fill me in please?

(Waiting for punchline)

Those new Dutch tires?

 

They stop on a dime.........




and they'll pick it up too! ;D
1966 230SL 5 speed, LSD, header pipes, 300SE distributor, ported, polished and balanced, AKA  ''The Red Rocket ''
Dan Caron's SL Barn

1970  3.5 Coupe
1961  190SL
1985   300CD  Turbo Coupe
1981  300SD
2013  GMC  Sierra
1965  230SL
1967 250SL
1970 280SL
1988 560SEC

mdsalemi

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Michael Salemi
Davidson, North Carolina (Charlotte Area) USA
1969 280SL (USA-Spec)
Signal Red 568G w/Black Leather (Restored)
2023 Ford Maverick Lariat Hybrid "Area 51"
2022 Ford Escape Hybrid
2023 Ford Escape Hybrid

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2014, 12:21:04 »
A loving wife wasn't sure what would be the most original gift for her dear hubby's birthday.

Knowing that her husband had an unconditional crush on Brigitte Bardot and on Mercedes cars, she had an idea to have the BB letters tattooed on her behind that she would show bended over one of his cars.

On the Birthday day, she did as she thought, proudly exposing the artwork (as shown on the attached pic) in front of his amazed face...

After a long silence, the surprised hubby asks: "Well... fine, but who the f..ck is BOB?

  
« Last Edit: February 02, 2014, 14:26:19 by Flyair »
Stan
1971 280SL
2011 SL550 AMG
2011 GL
2015 GLA

GGR

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2014, 17:52:40 »
Ah Ah!

This one works only in French:

- Pourquoi les mécaniciens jouent-ils au tennis avec des boulons?
- Pour gagner la coupe Davis!

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2014, 19:51:09 »
 GGR :D

OK, another one:

A family is going by car and suddenly a child runs across the street just in front of the car. Happily, the driver manages to avoid the boy. Then, a policeman stops the car and says:
- Good lord, good reflex that you have. For this, we will offer you a reward - 1000 US$, provided that you tell me how you will spend this money?
The driver replied:
- I'll take a driving license, finally.
His wife tries to save the situation:
- Do not pay attention to him, he always says so when he's drunk.
Then, from the rear seat the grandmother adds:
- I told you that we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car...
Stan
1971 280SL
2011 SL550 AMG
2011 GL
2015 GLA

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2014, 23:07:58 »
Husband to his wife, who had returned from the ride in their freshly renovated Pagoda:
- Where's the car?
- Partially in the garage...
Stan
1971 280SL
2011 SL550 AMG
2011 GL
2015 GLA