Author Topic: Garage humor (?)  (Read 62259 times)

Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #25 on: February 04, 2014, 02:45:07 »
This elderly couple took a nice Sunday drive after he spend all of Saturday cleaning and polishing his Pagoda. As they were driving along this moose came out from the woods he could not avoid it and he died instantly. His wife got out of the car run around to the driver side and opened the door to see if she could help him at this very moment a truck came by struck her and killed her as well.

As she arrived at the Purely Gates she meet Saint Peter and he welcomed her. As he did he poked her with a sowing needle and she let out a scream.

"Why on earth did you do this?" she asked Saint Peter.

Saint Peter replied "That was for the one time you were not fateful to your husband"

She said "You know all about that? and where is my husband? he should have arrived before me!"

Saint Peter replied "He is still under our special Sewing Machine we have up here"

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Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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For all you Pilots out there :)
« Reply #26 on: February 04, 2014, 02:53:09 »
Piper 202 was on approach for a landing when the tower first contacted him for a landing,

Tower to Piper 202 "What is your hight and location?

Piper 202 to Tower "I'm 6 foot 2 and in the cockpit"

Yes ... don't ask I know must have been the pilots first solo flight after his flight training completion. 
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GGR

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #27 on: February 04, 2014, 03:34:49 »
This is a true story. When I needed to bring my Pagoda to the paint shop I asked my wife to follow me in another car so that she could take me back home. As she had lent her car to a friend she drove my W111 Coupe which has a manual transmission. She had driven some manual transmissions some years ago so I was confident she would make it. On the highway she was really slow so when we reached the body shop I asked her if all was OK. Her reply was: "Where is second gear?" The knob doesn't have the shift pattern printed on it so by fear of getting in the wrong gear she hadn't shifted at all! Now, luckily, she had started in third (thinking it was first) and managed to take off without stalling, so it's not like she had been driving at highway speed in first gear. But it still must have been quite a noisy trip for her!
« Last Edit: February 04, 2014, 03:41:48 by GGR »

Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Well you all heard the name before .... even in Europe
« Reply #28 on: February 04, 2014, 04:22:36 »
You need to read to the end in order to know what I mean by the subject line

Country preacher -- too funny! Certainly something one can hear or tell in a garage
while waiting for our Pagoda repair bill :)


A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should
give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he
didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away to school, his father decided to try an
experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four
objects:

A Bible, A Silver Dollar, A bottle of Jack Daniels, And a Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door, the preacher said to himself, and when he
comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.'

'If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing
that would be!

'If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would
be okay, too.

'But, if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and
Lord, what a shame that would be.

'And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine, he's going to be a
skirt-chasing bum.

'The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he
entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his
books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects
on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up
the Silver Dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and
took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's going to be
the next mayor of Toronto!'

Cees, If that does not bring a smile then perhaps some of the attached images might do the trick :)

« Last Edit: February 04, 2014, 04:40:35 by Rolf-Dieter »
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Louiehenry

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #29 on: February 04, 2014, 17:20:09 »
Wow! All the petrol jokes have lead me to believe the garage is quite the premium place to be!

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #30 on: February 04, 2014, 19:59:04 »
Wow! All the petrol jokes have lead me to believe the garage is quite the premium place to be!

especially if filled with some vintage car such as a Pagoda ;)
Stan
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Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #31 on: February 05, 2014, 17:05:39 »
In the evening, a pretty young blonde walks in an empty street. Then a beautiful Pagoda stops and the driver asks:
- Can I give you a lift home?
- Great idea, so where do you live?
Stan
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Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #32 on: February 06, 2014, 01:45:27 »
The german comedian Herbert Hisel was one of Germanys favourite comedians some of his stories on the subject of cars come to mind ... (may sound better in german) :)

Once he asked one of his friends why he had the side windows painted black on his sports car, his friend told him "So that the Dachshund (German Sausage dog) does not look into my windows when I stop at a traffic light"

Once Herbert was driving along and as he did hit this fellow on his bicycle .... He stopped his car and yelled at the fellow; "Cant you watch out where you are going?" The bicyclist yelled back "Why are you going to come back again?"

Unrelated to Herbert ... I came across the photo below and wondered if it is original  ;D What do you fellows think? Was the restoration done to original specifications or do we care? :)
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Peter van Es

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #33 on: February 06, 2014, 08:50:32 »
I really did not understand Herbert's jokes. They must be better in German.  As the British would say: There is no such thing as German Humour. It reminded me of the following joke however:

Heaven Is Where:

The French are the chefs
The Italians are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans are the mechanics
And the Swiss make everything run on time

Hell is Where:

The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The Italians make everything run on time
And the Germans are the police

(And actually, this is a bit out of date... there are some excellent restaurants and chefs in London nowadays)
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Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #34 on: February 06, 2014, 15:48:01 »
Hello Peter,

You are quite right it does sound better in German :) Problem is with Herbert, he had a very heavy dialect and even Germans needed to listen very carefully to understand him. I abbreviated the joke a bit, you I know understand German, so if you like you can listen to it if you wish (go to Minute 2.00) in the following link;

----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBSb5AUA_E8

Loved your joke about heaven and Hell :) as for the Germans being the best mechanics I have to respectfully disagree, there are good mechanics everywhere, problem is to find a good one like it is in every profession :) for example there are Lawyers and then there are Lawyers ...

Reminds me of a joke ... about ... well you will see;

Nixon, Khrushchev and Castro took a boat ride along with one of there aids one day ...

Castro offered each a nice Cuban Cigar once he did that he
tossed the box with the rest of the cigars over board.

The others ask him in amassment why he did that?
He simply replied "Oh we have many more where they came from"

Khrushchev then gave each a good shot of Russian Vodka he
also tossed the almost full bottle overboard.

Again the others asked why on earth did you toss that fine
Vodka overboard?

Well said Khrushchev, there is plenty more where that came from.

Finally Nixon tossed his aid overboard when asked by the others
why on earth he did what he just did he simply relied.

Gentleman we have plenty of Lawyers in America.

(It is a very old joke I recalled it as best as I could ~ must now be 40 some odd years ago since I first heard it) :)
DD 2011 SL 63 AMG and my 69 Pagoda 280 SL

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #35 on: February 06, 2014, 16:18:16 »
Please have look at the radar’s display: you rode 140 km/h - says the policeman to the beautiful blondie at the wheel of a nonetheless beautiful Pagoda.
- Per hour, what hour? – said the blondie. I left home only ten minutes ago!
Stan
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Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #36 on: February 09, 2014, 18:46:37 »
- Your Honor – said the Pagoda driver accused of drunken driving - I was not drunk, but rather in a state of ethanol intoxication.
- Consent - answered the judge - therefore I sentence you not for two weeks, but for 14 days of jail.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2014, 19:38:59 by Flyair »
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Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #37 on: February 09, 2014, 20:10:02 »
This young blonde lady driving her dad's 1964 Pagoda 250sl was stopped by the police man hiding behind the big old oak tree with is radar gun clocking her at 70 MPH in a 50 MPH zone.

Highway Patrol Man to Yong Blonde Lady ...... "I've been waiting for you all day!"

Yong Blonde Lady to Highway Patrol Man ......... "Officer I came as fast as I can"
DD 2011 SL 63 AMG and my 69 Pagoda 280 SL

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor
« Reply #38 on: April 08, 2014, 13:45:27 »
A priest and a Pagoda driver arrive at the heaven's gate:
St. Peter says:
- You, driver, go straight to heaven, and you priest proceed to purgatory.
- But why so? - Asks the priest.
- You see, when you said the sermon everyone was asleep, and when he drove the car everyone prayed.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2014, 12:36:14 by Flyair »
Stan
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Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #39 on: April 09, 2014, 07:07:19 »
When a Yuppie stepped out of his brand new BMW, a car passing too closely brushed against the left side. The yuppie laments:
- O f..k! He messed up my beautiful BMW!
A man witnessing the scene:
- Sir, why are you so worried about this car? – Look, you completely blew up your hand!
The yuppie screams:
- Oh f..k! My Rolex!
Stan
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stickandrudderman

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #40 on: April 09, 2014, 11:55:05 »
 man walks into a bar.




He says "ooof!"
]
]
]


]]
]
]]

It was an iron bar.

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor
« Reply #41 on: April 13, 2014, 09:30:22 »
A man walks into a bank in central London and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going broad on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5,000 pounds.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys of his freshly renovated and shiny Pagoda parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

Once the man is gone, the bank’s president and all the officers all enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a vintage Mercedes worth at least GBP 80,000 as collateral against a GBP 5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Pagoda into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 with, on top, the GBP 23.14 interest. The loan officer says: “Sir, we are very happy indeed to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out jolly good, but we are pretty amazed. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow GBP 5,000?”

The man replies: “Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only GBP 23.14 and expect it to be there when I return?”
« Last Edit: May 25, 2014, 12:36:04 by Flyair »
Stan
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Peter van Es

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #42 on: April 13, 2014, 10:12:56 »
Nice...
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GGR

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #43 on: April 13, 2014, 12:51:59 »
A truck driver is puzzled I front of a tunnel as he misses a couple of centimeters to clear the top. A guy in a Pagoda driving by advises that he should deflate the tires a bit and drives away. Then the truck driver thinks for himself: How stupid is that guy! the truck is not clearing at the top, not the bottom!

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2014, 05:20:54 »
A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, he notices a stunning woman at another table, alone. He calls the waiter and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her - hoping that if she accepts it, the night will be hot.

The waiter gets the bottle over to the girl. She looks at the champagne and sends a note to the man. The note says: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes Pagoda in your garage, $1M in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

After reading that note, the man sends his response back to her: "Just so you know: I happen to have TWO Pagodas in my garage, over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back!"
« Last Edit: April 18, 2014, 08:57:16 by Flyair »
Stan
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Flyair

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Re: Garage humor
« Reply #45 on: April 20, 2014, 19:48:52 »
Essen Auto Show: How to recognize the nationalities of visitors that watch a Pagoda?
- The German examines the engine
- The Englishman looks at leathers
- The Italian examines the horn
- The American examines the size
- The Swiss examines the seals
- The French examines the seats  
- The Japanese examines everything
- The Russian examines nothing
- The Polish examines the hostess
« Last Edit: May 25, 2014, 12:34:56 by Flyair »
Stan
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iftykhan

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #46 on: April 22, 2014, 09:32:28 »
A man goes to see his doctor.
"Can you please give me something this"?  He proceeds to drop his trousers to reveal a huge willy.
The doctor stands up looks out the window and points to ferrari and says "i'll give you that"

Flyair

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #47 on: April 22, 2014, 19:15:06 »
What is the difference between a BMW and a hemorrhoid?
There is none: every **** ends up getting one.

(no offence to BMW owners 8))
« Last Edit: April 23, 2014, 06:56:35 by Flyair »
Stan
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Rolf-Dieter ✝︎

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Re: Garage humor (?)
« Reply #48 on: April 24, 2014, 11:05:20 »

(no offence to BMW owners 8))

Very funny Stan ..... I owned 8 of them ... Last 4 where M3's (e46 one and three e92) still have our first one a e28 (535is) love that car, however, love my Pagoda a lot more :)

The M3's are hard ride, however, the 535 is is quite comfy ...
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Flyair

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Re: Garage humor
« Reply #49 on: April 24, 2014, 14:19:16 »
To my discharge, I also used to ride two: one in yuppie times the old 318 series (designed by Paul Bracq) and in 1991 I bought one of the first new style 320. Superb cars for their times
« Last Edit: May 25, 2014, 12:34:46 by Flyair »
Stan
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